There comes a moment when you realize it’s time to move on from your current job. I’m not talking, “hey, maybe I should start looking”. I’m talking, “Holy shit, if I stay here one more day I may gouge out my eyeballs and turn them in with my resignation letter”. After discussing and laughing with a few people, we’ve decided that if you’ve said or thought any of the below (or versions of them), you know it’s your time.
1. “Ugh, Sally’s enthusiasm for note-taking makes me want to punch her in the throat.”
2. “Fuck this client meeting, GoogleMaps came out with PacMan!”
3. “I’m so glad I have this cyst removal surgery on Tuesday so I can have a day off.”
4. “Ooooh, my kid/niece/friend/stranger has pink eye. I could use a couple days off work. How do I rub their eyeball germs on mine without coming across as a weirdo?”
5. “Do you think sneakers and a t-shirt will pass as ‘business casual’? Ironing clothes is for suckas that care.”
6. “What does it take to get fired with severance? Will a nervous breakdown with tears work? WHAT is that fine line that gets me fired but also makes them feel bad for me? Does a bitch have to fake suck at her job?”
7. “I’ll take my coffee intravenously. Otherwise, I won’t have the energy to stop the eye rolls, loud sighs or turrette-like yelling of ‘fuck this’ .”
8. “What if I just quit without another job lined up? Will someone else hire me to do contract work? What if I become a cleaning lady for awhile? Does Starbucks pay well? I can work retail for awhile – anything is better than this. How much money do you make collecting cans from recycling bins and selling them? These tatas still have a couple years left on them – how much will people pay to see them online? Wait, I actually DO have morals and won’t do that. Ok, what about sex chat? Is that a thing? No one has to see me but I can fake sexiness and make money.”
9. Thoughts during a meeting while checking your Facebook: “::theme song to jeopardy::”
(I like to be unconventional. This isn’t a top 10 list. I stuck with 9. Deal with it.)
Sam Siman
Sam works in advertising/marketing by day and moonlights with startup consulting, dating profile overhauls, and event planning. She lives in Columbus with her two dogs and spends her free time writing, drinking coffee and local beers, getting zen with yoga, catching a good concert, and laughing with friends. She doesn't give a shit if you're offended by lewd language, so #dealwithit.