As an adult, dating is incredibly exhausting. We’re lucky enough to have the technology that let’s us qualify people before wasting time meeting in person, but even that takes an huge effort. Who has time for ten conversations at a time – especially if they’re all basically the same?
I haven’t dated around for a long time – since college – and it was totally different then. I’ve been at this for about two months and it’s the most time-consuming, overwhelming, frustrating thing I’ve done thus far in life. I’m not sure if it’s because now that I’m a real adult, I know exactly what I need in life (and I’m less willing to compromise) or if dudes are just so immune to the dating scene at this point that they don’t care.
I’ve talked with other single friends and I’m seeing many, many common themes.
Why have you never been in a serious relationship at age 30+?
No, but seriously, bro. Why? Are you too selfish to share your time with someone else? Are you an asshole? We’re single too, so it’s not even about why you’re single at this moment. It’s more about why you’ve not been able to commit to anyone before.
We understand you’re busy and we are too. But you need to keep up communication with us.
This shouldn’t be transactional. Yes, we’d like to go on a date with you. No, we don’t want you to only talk to us to make plans then go dark. We are humans and what we’re ultimately interested in is a partner that will be supportive of our lives. Ask us how our day is. Tell us a funny joke. Even a GIF will suffice. Let us know you’re thinking of us and I promise we’ll make it worth your time.
Honestly? We value cuddles, you playing with our hair, and back tickles more than a fancy dinner out or a night of drinking.
We’re more attracted to you being there for us than we are how much money you’ll drop on a meal. I hate storms. Like a lot. If you know this and aren’t checking in on me, offering to come hang out and laugh by the candlelight while the power is out, or just cuddle so that I don’t feel alone – you’re probably not the one for me.
You know what happens when you make someone feel cared for? They do it back.
If you’re lucky enough to receive any sort of sexy photo from us, you should let us know that you’re happy about it.
Do I even need to explain this? There are many degrees of this, obviously. But even the morning photo in cute PJs deserves a response. The more you give, the more you get.
Let us actually get to know you if you’re interested. Also, really get to know us.
Small talk only goes so far. If you’re truly interested, let us in a little. And be genuinely interested in us. Everyone has a story – be inquisitive and a good listener. Don’t be freaked out when we ask you about yours.
Ladies, if you like him, don’t play games.
This is a common gripe I hear from dudes on the dating scene. You’re making us all look bad. You like him? Cool, hang out with him. You don’t? Then, don’t. Some of us are here to actually get to know people and decide if it’s worth all the effort. While you’re dangling a carrot and not even interested, you’re making it harder for all of us.
Fuck the rules of “waiting to call”.
If you had a good time, let us know right after and start making plans for the next time. We’re most likely already replaying it all in our heads or telling our friends. If you don’t reach out immediately, some of us will do it for you and we’re ok with that. But it’s nice to feel wanted – so even giving us a hint that you enjoyed yourself would be fantastic.
Basically, I’m saying games are ridiculous and none of us have time for it. Be open and honest with what you’re looking for. If we seem to fit that bill, tell us. We’ll do the same. We promise. Because you know what we all want? To skip all this BS and move onto the part where we’re comfortable.