Dudes: Let Me Tell You How to Online Date – Part 2

Click here for Part 1

 

So, I’m not going to start at the beginning. But here’s a quick background on me:

  • 31
  • Just got out of a long-term relationship with my best dude friend
  • Haven’t been “single” since I was 19
  • Successful career
  • Decent looking, in shape, blonde hair, big boobs
  • Strong grasp of English language and how to write a compelling profile
  • Easy to talk to, hate small talk and will push you into real convo

 

Anyway. I hate this single life right now. It’s weird. And dating? Weirder. At my age, a lot of people are already married with kids. I’m really busy and not trying to meet dudes at bars. Online dating is exhausting – chatting with so many people, weeding out those that suck and trying to fit time to meet the decent ones into your schedule.

 

So, yeah. I’m over it. But it’s 2016 and it is what it is.

 

I gave some advice on this topic in the fall when I had a quick breakup with my most recent ex. That time around, I was on dating sites for a total of 3 days. Found someone cool (we had friends in common too) and dated him for three months. He was a serious catch. Seriously. It just didn’t work out. And then I got back with my ex, whom I consider the love of a lifetime. But yeah, he wasn’t ready for all that and it didn’t work out either.

 

So, here I am. Heartbroken. Alone. And just trying to figure this whole “dating” thing out.

 

But dudes are kinda the worst sometimes. They’re pretty shitty at this whole online dating thing. So, I’m going to offer a second round of advice now that I’ve been trying this for the last two weeks.

 

Dudes, listen up:

 

  • Let me touch on the photo thing just one more time. Stop posting group photos with your bros. I have no fucking idea which one is you and I really don’t want to play detective. If I have to work too hard to figure it out or can’t, you’re out. Also, bathroom selfies are the worst. I think there is a solid reason for this: you don’t own full-length mirrors – your only mirror is in your bathroom. Also, I think you suck at taking photos other than group photos with your bros (see earlier in this bullet). SO, you actually have a lack of decent photos. But do us this favor: take a pic with your mom next time you see her (or dad), your dog, with one friend (and specify which one is you), or even crop a pic with an old girlfriend. Just do something.
    • Oh, and show your fucking stupid face. Motorcycle helmets, pictures far away of you on a mountain top, your back while climbing a rock wall? Gee, thanks. NOW I know what you look like.
  • Tell us what you do for a living in your profile. If you’re 21, fine, don’t. But I’m talking adult men – 25+. If I don’t know what you do, I’m probably writing you off. I know it sounds shitty, but I have a good career. I want a partner that has ambition and drive. And I obviously don’t want to be a sugar mama.
  • If my profile explicitly says, “you need to be tall”, then don’t message me with “haha, I’m 5’6″, is that tall enough?” No. It’s not. It also just proves that you’re a shitty reader and listener. This applies to anything that we specify as something that is a deal breaker for us. Don’t just assume that we’ll let some stranger slip through cracks of our standards.
  • For crying out loud, if you are over 27, do not talk about your fraternity or put your greek letters in your profile. This just shows us that you peaked in college and can’t let go of the “glory days”.
  • I swear to God, if you send me some melodramatic, transcendental (or movie) quote as your first message I will never, ever answer.
  • Can you just be normal? I know small talk has to happen to a degree, but make it interesting. “How was your day?” isn’t going to continually cut it. Play 20 Questions, make me laugh, ask deeper questions. Just talk to me like I’m one of your friends or co-workers that you’re actually interested in getting to know.
  • “You must be fit” isn’t allowed to be in your profile if you have a beer gut.
  • There is NO way that 95% of you are as outdoorsy as you claim. And those of you that insist on a girl that is just as outdoorsy? There’s a reason you’re single. I’m going to let you in on a secret: most girls aren’t that into it. Sure, some are, but they live in places like Colorado. If you don’t live in extremely rural or mountainous places, it’s going to be hard to find that chick. Sure, we like a nice bike ride, walk in the park, a weekend of camping, a leisurely hike, a run, etc. But if you’re expecting a woman to have it all, including being as into rock climbing, camping for a week, dirt biking, fishing, hunting, whatever as you are – you’re really going to narrow that pool. The cool thing? You can totally do those things and most women join you for the ones they feel comfortable with. But the things they don’t? They’re most likely extremely ok with you spending time with your dudes and doing them.
  • What is it – beard or no beard? Hair or no hair? Good teeth or bad teeth? Chubby or skinny? This goes back to the photo thing. Post recent, consistent photos of yourself. How are we to know which is college you and which is the you we’re possibly going to meet? Don’t be deceptive and don’t be confusing.
  • WHY IS YOUR PROFILE EMPTY? Next.
  • Listen, if you haven’t given us the details we require and we still swipe right/match with you, some of us might be direct in asking the things we need to know. Online dating sucks because it’s A LOT of work and A LOT of conversations. It also sucks because it’s pretty shallow. And yeah, we treat it as a screener. So, just tell us what we need to know and if we decide to move on, it happens. Did you think it wasn’t going to happen in three days when the truth finally comes out? Just save us all the time and don’t be offended if we ask you directly.

 

I think I could go on for awhile, but I’ll stop there.

 

Oh, and ladies? Most of that up there applies to you too. The biggest thing you’re an asshole for? Letting guys you’re not interested in take you out and buy you drinks/dinner. Don’t do that. At least be semi-interested before you waste their time and money.

 

Cross your fingers that I meet someone decent (that follows these tips) and I don’t need to create a Part Three to this post.

 

Want some help revamping your profile? This will help.

Sam works in advertising/marketing by day and moonlights with startup consulting, dating profile overhauls, and event planning. She lives in Columbus with her two dogs and spends her free time writing, drinking coffee and local beers, getting zen with yoga, catching a good concert, and laughing with friends. She doesn't give a shit if you're offended by lewd language, so #dealwithit.

  84 comments for “Dudes: Let Me Tell You How to Online Date – Part 2

  1. Mike
    September 24, 2016 at 9:28 am

    This is good stuff.
    PS I’m too short for you.

  2. July 5, 2023 at 4:45 pm

    Your place is valueble for me. Thanks!?

  3. July 5, 2023 at 5:55 pm

    When I initially commented I clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now every time a remark is added I get 4 emails with the same comment. Is there any means you can take away me from that service? Thanks!

  4. July 6, 2023 at 7:15 am

    I抎 must test with you here. Which isn’t something I often do! I get pleasure from studying a put up that can make individuals think. Also, thanks for permitting me to comment!

  5. July 6, 2023 at 8:26 am

    Aw, this was a really nice post. In thought I would like to put in writing like this additionally ?taking time and precise effort to make a very good article?but what can I say?I procrastinate alot and in no way appear to get something done.

  6. July 6, 2023 at 10:34 pm

    Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive learn something like this before. So nice to search out any individual with some original ideas on this subject. realy thanks for starting this up. this website is one thing that is wanted on the web, somebody with slightly originality. useful job for bringing one thing new to the internet!

  7. July 6, 2023 at 11:41 pm

    A powerful share, I simply given this onto a colleague who was doing a bit evaluation on this. And he actually bought me breakfast because I discovered it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the treat! But yeah Thnkx for spending the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love reading extra on this topic. If doable, as you turn out to be experience, would you mind updating your weblog with extra details? It’s highly useful for me. Huge thumb up for this weblog publish!

  8. July 7, 2023 at 1:16 pm

    It’s best to participate in a contest for one of the best blogs on the web. I’ll recommend this site!

  9. July 7, 2023 at 2:33 pm

    An attention-grabbing discussion is worth comment. I believe that it’s best to write more on this subject, it may not be a taboo topic but generally persons are not enough to speak on such topics. To the next. Cheers

  10. July 8, 2023 at 5:56 am

    Your place is valueble for me. Thanks!?

  11. July 8, 2023 at 7:48 am

    very nice put up, i certainly love this website, keep on it

  12. July 9, 2023 at 4:39 am

    Spot on with this write-up, I really think this web site wants far more consideration. I抣l probably be once more to read much more, thanks for that info.

  13. July 9, 2023 at 10:17 am

    WONDERFUL Post.thanks for share..extra wait .. ?

  14. July 9, 2023 at 8:21 pm

    I was very happy to find this net-site.I wanted to thanks on your time for this excellent read!! I definitely enjoying each little bit of it and I’ve you bookmarked to take a look at new stuff you blog post.

  15. July 9, 2023 at 11:02 pm

    Oh my goodness! an amazing article dude. Thanks Nonetheless I’m experiencing challenge with ur rss . Don抰 know why Unable to subscribe to it. Is there anybody getting identical rss problem? Anybody who knows kindly respond. Thnkx

  16. July 10, 2023 at 12:27 am

    I was very pleased to seek out this internet-site.I needed to thanks on your time for this excellent read!! I undoubtedly enjoying every little little bit of it and I’ve you bookmarked to check out new stuff you weblog post.

  17. July 10, 2023 at 7:04 pm

    An fascinating dialogue is value comment. I think that you need to write more on this topic, it won’t be a taboo subject however typically individuals are not sufficient to talk on such topics. To the next. Cheers

  18. July 10, 2023 at 8:30 pm

    This web page is known as a walk-by way of for all the data you wished about this and didn抰 know who to ask. Glimpse here, and you抣l definitely discover it.

  19. July 11, 2023 at 3:13 pm

    Oh my goodness! a tremendous article dude. Thanks However I’m experiencing situation with ur rss . Don抰 know why Unable to subscribe to it. Is there anyone getting equivalent rss drawback? Anybody who is aware of kindly respond. Thnkx

  20. July 12, 2023 at 11:48 am

    This website is mostly a walk-via for all of the data you wished about this and didn抰 know who to ask. Glimpse here, and you抣l undoubtedly discover it.

  21. July 12, 2023 at 1:20 pm

    I抎 have to verify with you here. Which is not something I often do! I take pleasure in studying a publish that will make individuals think. Additionally, thanks for permitting me to remark!

  22. July 13, 2023 at 8:12 am

    This site is mostly a walk-via for the entire info you wished about this and didn抰 know who to ask. Glimpse right here, and you抣l positively discover it.

  23. July 14, 2023 at 1:03 am

    very good post, i actually love this web site, keep on it

  24. July 14, 2023 at 2:36 am

    You made some decent points there. I looked on the web for the difficulty and found most people will go along with together with your website.

  25. July 14, 2023 at 8:11 pm

    Oh my goodness! an amazing article dude. Thank you Nevertheless I’m experiencing issue with ur rss . Don抰 know why Unable to subscribe to it. Is there anyone getting an identical rss downside? Anyone who knows kindly respond. Thnkx

  26. July 14, 2023 at 9:34 pm

    WONDERFUL Post.thanks for share..extra wait .. ?

  27. July 15, 2023 at 10:38 am

    I’m usually to blogging and i really recognize your content. The article has really peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your web site and preserve checking for brand new information.

  28. July 15, 2023 at 2:21 pm

    It抯 laborious to find knowledgeable individuals on this matter, but you sound like you know what you抮e speaking about! Thanks

  29. July 15, 2023 at 3:53 pm

    I抦 impressed, I have to say. Really not often do I encounter a blog that抯 both educative and entertaining, and let me let you know, you’ve hit the nail on the head. Your idea is outstanding; the problem is something that not enough people are talking intelligently about. I am very completely satisfied that I stumbled throughout this in my search for something referring to this.

  30. July 16, 2023 at 8:25 am

    There are definitely loads of details like that to take into consideration. That is a nice level to bring up. I supply the ideas above as basic inspiration however clearly there are questions just like the one you carry up the place an important thing will be working in trustworthy good faith. I don?t know if best practices have emerged round things like that, however I’m certain that your job is clearly identified as a good game. Each boys and girls really feel the impact of only a second抯 pleasure, for the rest of their lives.

  31. July 16, 2023 at 9:59 am

    Spot on with this write-up, I actually suppose this website needs much more consideration. I抣l in all probability be once more to learn rather more, thanks for that info.

  32. July 17, 2023 at 12:45 am

    Aw, this was a very nice post. In thought I would like to put in writing like this additionally ?taking time and actual effort to make a very good article?but what can I say?I procrastinate alot and on no account appear to get something done.

  33. July 17, 2023 at 1:54 am

    Your home is valueble for me. Thanks!?

  34. July 17, 2023 at 5:41 pm

    Can I just say what a relief to search out someone who really knows what theyre speaking about on the internet. You undoubtedly know how one can convey a difficulty to light and make it important. More individuals have to learn this and perceive this facet of the story. I cant believe youre no more common because you definitely have the gift.

  35. July 18, 2023 at 7:59 am

    An attention-grabbing discussion is value comment. I think that you need to write more on this subject, it might not be a taboo topic however generally persons are not sufficient to speak on such topics. To the next. Cheers

  36. July 18, 2023 at 9:33 pm

    Can I simply say what a relief to find somebody who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You positively know easy methods to deliver a difficulty to gentle and make it important. More people have to learn this and perceive this aspect of the story. I cant imagine youre no more fashionable since you undoubtedly have the gift.

  37. July 18, 2023 at 10:39 pm

    You made some respectable points there. I seemed on the internet for the problem and located most people will associate with together with your website.

  38. July 19, 2023 at 11:47 am

    I was more than happy to find this net-site.I wanted to thanks for your time for this glorious learn!! I undoubtedly enjoying every little little bit of it and I’ve you bookmarked to take a look at new stuff you blog post.

  39. July 19, 2023 at 1:01 pm

    Spot on with this write-up, I really suppose this web site needs far more consideration. I抣l in all probability be again to read much more, thanks for that info.

  40. July 20, 2023 at 2:29 am

    A formidable share, I just given this onto a colleague who was doing slightly analysis on this. And he in actual fact bought me breakfast as a result of I discovered it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the treat! But yeah Thnkx for spending the time to debate this, I feel strongly about it and love reading extra on this topic. If attainable, as you turn out to be expertise, would you mind updating your blog with extra particulars? It is extremely helpful for me. Big thumb up for this blog publish!

  41. July 20, 2023 at 2:46 am

    I used to be very happy to search out this net-site.I needed to thanks for your time for this excellent read!! I positively enjoying each little little bit of it and I’ve you bookmarked to take a look at new stuff you weblog post.

  42. July 20, 2023 at 3:36 am

    Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive read anything like this before. So good to seek out any person with some authentic thoughts on this subject. realy thank you for beginning this up. this website is one thing that is wanted on the web, someone with somewhat originality. helpful job for bringing one thing new to the internet!

  43. July 20, 2023 at 11:56 am

    There are actually plenty of particulars like that to take into consideration. That may be a great point to convey up. I provide the thoughts above as normal inspiration but clearly there are questions just like the one you carry up the place a very powerful factor will be working in trustworthy good faith. I don?t know if finest practices have emerged around issues like that, but I’m certain that your job is clearly identified as a fair game. Each boys and girls really feel the impact of just a moment抯 pleasure, for the remainder of their lives.

  44. September 8, 2023 at 2:33 pm

    [url=https://erythromycin.today/]erythromycin gel price[/url]

  45. September 14, 2023 at 3:45 pm

    This actually answered my downside, thanks!

  46. September 14, 2023 at 6:18 pm

    Spot on with this write-up, I actually suppose this web site needs rather more consideration. I抣l in all probability be again to read far more, thanks for that info.

  47. September 15, 2023 at 2:57 am

    I抎 need to test with you here. Which is not something I usually do! I enjoy studying a publish that will make people think. Additionally, thanks for permitting me to comment!

  48. September 15, 2023 at 5:34 am

    you might have a fantastic blog right here! would you like to make some invite posts on my weblog?

  49. September 15, 2023 at 7:34 pm

    This actually answered my problem, thank you!

  50. September 15, 2023 at 10:21 pm

    I am only commenting to make you know of the fantastic encounter my princess obtained viewing your web site. She came to understand a lot of details, with the inclusion of what it is like to possess a wonderful giving character to let most people quite simply grasp certain specialized matters. You really did more than our desires. Thank you for delivering the beneficial, healthy, educational and as well as easy thoughts on the topic to Tanya.

  51. September 16, 2023 at 4:23 am

    I抦 impressed, I need to say. Actually not often do I encounter a blog that抯 each educative and entertaining, and let me let you know, you might have hit the nail on the head. Your thought is outstanding; the problem is one thing that not enough people are speaking intelligently about. I’m very completely happy that I stumbled across this in my seek for something regarding this.

  52. September 17, 2023 at 12:50 am

    I must voice my admiration for your kind-heartedness giving support to folks who really want help with this particular content. Your personal dedication to passing the message all-around was surprisingly important and has consistently helped others like me to get to their desired goals. Your new insightful advice indicates a lot to me and even further to my office colleagues. Thanks a lot; from each one of us.

  53. September 17, 2023 at 10:00 am

    You must take part in a contest for one of the best blogs on the web. I will advocate this site!

  54. September 17, 2023 at 11:00 pm

    I抎 need to test with you here. Which isn’t one thing I normally do! I enjoy reading a publish that will make individuals think. Additionally, thanks for allowing me to remark!

  55. September 18, 2023 at 9:24 am

    Spot on with this write-up, I truly think this web site wants much more consideration. I抣l probably be again to learn far more, thanks for that info.

  56. September 18, 2023 at 12:40 pm

    very good submit, i actually love this website, carry on it

  57. September 19, 2023 at 6:06 pm

    It抯 onerous to find educated individuals on this matter, but you sound like you already know what you抮e talking about! Thanks

  58. September 20, 2023 at 4:18 am

    Your house is valueble for me. Thanks!?

  59. September 20, 2023 at 7:38 am

    There are some fascinating time limits on this article but I don抰 know if I see all of them heart to heart. There’s some validity but I’ll take hold opinion till I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we wish extra! Added to FeedBurner as well

  60. September 21, 2023 at 7:35 am

    very nice submit, i definitely love this web site, keep on it

  61. September 21, 2023 at 10:29 am

    Nice post. I study something tougher on completely different blogs everyday. It will all the time be stimulating to read content from other writers and follow slightly something from their store. I抎 prefer to make use of some with the content material on my weblog whether or not you don抰 mind. Natually I抣l provide you with a link in your net blog. Thanks for sharing.

  62. September 21, 2023 at 9:41 pm

    I found your weblog site on google and check just a few of your early posts. Proceed to maintain up the excellent operate. I just further up your RSS feed to my MSN News Reader. Seeking forward to studying more from you later on!?

  63. September 22, 2023 at 12:05 am

    An interesting dialogue is price comment. I believe that you must write extra on this topic, it won’t be a taboo topic however typically persons are not enough to speak on such topics. To the next. Cheers

  64. September 22, 2023 at 10:41 am

    It’s best to participate in a contest for among the finest blogs on the web. I will suggest this web site!

  65. September 22, 2023 at 2:23 pm

    An impressive share, I simply given this onto a colleague who was doing just a little evaluation on this. And he in actual fact bought me breakfast because I discovered it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the treat! But yeah Thnkx for spending the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love studying more on this topic. If doable, as you turn out to be expertise, would you mind updating your blog with extra particulars? It’s highly useful for me. Big thumb up for this weblog publish!

  66. September 22, 2023 at 2:58 pm

    I simply needed to appreciate you once again. I’m not certain the things I would’ve created without the actual smart ideas discussed by you relating to such concern. It truly was a very depressing difficulty for me, but noticing a new specialised manner you solved it made me to cry over gladness. I’m happier for this advice and even have high hopes you know what a great job you were undertaking instructing other individuals thru your blog post. More than likely you’ve never come across all of us.

  67. September 23, 2023 at 3:28 am

    After examine a number of of the blog posts in your website now, and I really like your means of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark website record and can be checking back soon. Pls take a look at my web page as effectively and let me know what you think.

  68. September 23, 2023 at 5:57 pm

    WONDERFUL Post.thanks for share..more wait .. ?

  69. September 23, 2023 at 7:21 pm

    [url=https://onlinepharmacy.best/albuterol.html]buy ventolin online australia[/url]

  70. September 23, 2023 at 8:45 pm

    It抯 laborious to search out knowledgeable people on this matter, but you sound like you understand what you抮e talking about! Thanks

  71. September 24, 2023 at 7:58 am

    It抯 arduous to find educated people on this matter, however you sound like you recognize what you抮e talking about! Thanks

  72. September 24, 2023 at 11:48 am

    Can I simply say what a aid to find someone who really knows what theyre speaking about on the internet. You undoubtedly know tips on how to carry a difficulty to mild and make it important. More people need to learn this and understand this side of the story. I cant believe youre not more fashionable because you positively have the gift.

  73. September 24, 2023 at 11:15 pm

    After examine a couple of of the blog posts on your website now, and I actually like your method of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark web site list and can be checking back soon. Pls take a look at my site as well and let me know what you think.

  74. September 25, 2023 at 7:17 pm

    I抦 impressed, I have to say. Really rarely do I encounter a blog that抯 each educative and entertaining, and let me inform you, you have got hit the nail on the head. Your thought is excellent; the issue is one thing that not enough individuals are speaking intelligently about. I’m very completely satisfied that I stumbled across this in my seek for something relating to this.

  75. September 26, 2023 at 5:27 am

    Would you be concerned about exchanging hyperlinks?

  76. September 26, 2023 at 8:51 am

    An interesting discussion is price comment. I feel that you must write extra on this topic, it won’t be a taboo subject however typically persons are not sufficient to speak on such topics. To the next. Cheers

  77. September 26, 2023 at 8:34 pm

    very good publish, i certainly love this website, keep on it

  78. September 27, 2023 at 11:51 pm

    An fascinating dialogue is worth comment. I believe that it’s best to write extra on this topic, it might not be a taboo subject but usually persons are not enough to talk on such topics. To the next. Cheers

  79. September 28, 2023 at 2:37 am

    You need to participate in a contest for top-of-the-line blogs on the web. I’ll suggest this web site!

  80. September 28, 2023 at 4:16 pm

    Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive read something like this before. So nice to search out any person with some original thoughts on this subject. realy thanks for beginning this up. this website is something that is wanted on the web, someone with somewhat originality. useful job for bringing one thing new to the internet!

  81. September 28, 2023 at 7:33 pm

    Your place is valueble for me. Thanks!?

  82. September 29, 2023 at 4:47 am

    I抎 need to examine with you here. Which is not something I normally do! I take pleasure in reading a put up that can make individuals think. Additionally, thanks for permitting me to comment!

  83. September 29, 2023 at 8:23 am

    Good day! I simply would like to give a huge thumbs up for the good data you may have here on this post. I might be coming again to your weblog for more soon.

  84. September 30, 2023 at 12:45 pm

    I抎 have to examine with you here. Which is not one thing I usually do! I take pleasure in reading a submit that can make individuals think. Additionally, thanks for permitting me to remark!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *