THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU, MUTHA FUCKA.
I hope you weren’t expecting a clever “knock knock” joke up there. I really just wanted the chance to say “mutha fucka” on my blog.
But think about it for a minute. On a scale of one-to-ten, how great are you at letting the people that love you in? I can tell you that I’m probably a two. Maybe a three on a good day.
I grew up super independent. I’ve always been this way and I’m self-aware enough to know that I’m probably not going to totally change that. I’m the girl that takes on the responsibility that isn’t mine so that the work is done on time. The one that listens and counsels friends when they’re in need. The one that never, ever asks to borrow money from anyone—even if that means my bills aren’t paid.
I’m not saying this to brag. I’m telling you this because it’s a problem that I’m genuinely trying to tackle in my adult life. And I know I’m not alone.
Since I’ve never relied or leaned on anyone but myself (and occasionally, my parents. But sincerely, that’s very, very rare too), I have an incredibly hard time relying on others—emotionally, physically, financially, etc. Last year, I cried in public twice. That’s two more times than have happened in the last 10-15 years. Even my friends and family rarely see it. I’m an open person about everything except feelings and asking for support.
I’m pretty sure it’s a mechanism to prevent me from being let down or hurt. We’ve all got a little of that inside us. It’s also a slight feeling of failure, as well. If I ask someone for help, I’ve clearly failed on completing a task (or life) on my own.
But that has to stop. Stop it. You too. We all need to quit that shit.
The best relationships, both romantic and platonic, are formed when you can fully trust someone to have your back. But to do that, you need to let them in. Accept their support (without abusing it, obviously). You need to stop fearing that they will look at you as a failure if you ask for help. You need to stop being concerned that you seem needy. And you surely need to stop worrying that every person you carefully choose to lean on will rip the rug from under you and let you down. It happens, but it’s not gospel.
People you love and that love you back are partners—not just romantically. Your friends and your family can be partners, too. A good partnership consists of mutual trust and support. If your loved ones offer, occasionally let them. They want to feel needed just as much as you do. They want to help the person they love through the hard times.
I’m talking to you. I’m talking to me. I’m talking to all of us. Because we all need a little reminder to be vulnerable, ask for help, and let someone love us sometimes.
So, I’m old, and I STILL have this problem! You have inherited a bad trait! Sorry! It’s me! Not good at people seeing me as someone who needs help. Fix it while you are younger, you will be much happier in life! Love you!