We all have moments of, “Oh shit, is this my life? How did I get here?” It’s natural. It’s normal. In that moment, we start to think of ways to change our situation. Always improving upon the present and forcing life to not stay stagnant for too long. But what about the things that are out of your control? That’s where it gets really difficult—coming to terms with reality even when you’ve compartmentalized it for so long that it only rears its ugly head when you have too much time to think.
That’s where I am.
It’s no secret that I miss having a partner in life.
It’s no secret that I’m 31 and want kids.
It’s no secret that I was in ten years solid of relationships with people that I cared about deeply.
But now here I am, single. No kids. Renting an apartment. Dating for the first time. It’s brutal, you know? Yeah, I’m happy with the person I’ve become. I’m rad. I’m smart. I don’t care what people think about me. I genuinely want others to be happy and try my best to do good in the world. I’m working on being as successful as possible. But without someone to share all that with, it just feels sort of empty.
I’m never closing myself off to the possibility of finding someone and having kids. I’m just hitting the point where I need to start addressing the fact that maybe this life is enough. A life filled with friends, kids of friends, niece/nephew, work pals, fun nights out, and quiet nights alone. Rolling solo to events and weddings, politely smiling while others talk about their husbands and children. Everyone is fulfilled differently. Why can’t I learn to be fulfilled in this life? I AM enough.
The idea of being alone and childless is something I will learn to accept if necessary. I’ll slowly begin to figure out how to fill the gaps. I’ll take up new hobbies. Truly learn to love nights alone. Spoil all of my friends’ kids. Laugh like an evil villain when I can go out on a weekend night without finding a babysitter.
But us single adults ask one thing of you: please stop asking us when we’re going to settle down. Stop asking “but what about kids?!” Stop thinking of us as failures if we don’t have a spouse, house, or litter of children. Everyone lives their life differently and we should all respect whatever path someone is on.
Trust me, I’m a control freak so it’s hard to accept that I can only steer my life so much. I have so much control of where I go, but I won’t settle for someone just because I don’t want to be alone. Maybe that person will never come along, and I’m learning to be ok with that. Maybe my life is on a completely different direction that I haven’t even figured out yet. Maybe my purpose is something bigger than what I imagined.
We all have a purpose in life. Find it and stop trying to control it.