Although I’m (almost) 30 and single-ish(?), I consider my relationship life to be quite successful. My last relationship was 8 years and the only reason it didn’t result in marriage is because I realized we had grown into quite different people. We didn’t really fight and are still really close friends. I could be married, but I wouldn’t be doing either of us a favor.
You see, I consider myself a strong woman. Yeah, I have my weak moments. I’m human and that’s 100% ok. But I’ve spent time figuring out who I am over the years and I’m not going to pretend to be someone I’m not. Sure, I have many more years to grow, transform and change. And I’m open to that. But I know what I want.
I’m finding that guys are more into this than you’d expect. We’re not 20 anymore. Strong women have a lot to offer and this is why:
We know what we want. And how to get it.
We build our careers and take responsibility for finances. We work hard for everything we have and don’t take no for an answer. We’re determined and decisive.
We don’t need you to do everything for us.
Taking out the trash? I got it. Hanging a picture? Easy peasy. Unloading groceries? No prob.
We will always find a way to do what needs to be done. We don’t expect you to wait on us hand-and-foot and we expect the same in return.
But don’t get us wrong, we don’t mind if you offer. It’s nice to have someone take care of you once in awhile and we always appreciate the offer. We will take you up on it sometimes and it makes us feel gooey inside. Plus, sometimes we get tired of bruising our shins from jumping on the counter to get that bowl off the top shelf.
We won’t drop all of our emotional baggage on you.
We’re not super needy and we won’t use you as our shoulder to cry on every time something small goes wrong. We’re not the girl that complains about everything and whines when she doesn’t get her way. You won’t find us crying in the bathroom at the bar or overanalyzing every situation. We handle our shit and involve you only when we really, really can’t handle it ourselves. If it comes to this, you know something has gone pretty wrong. And no, we’re not cutting you out of our lives; we’re just sparing you from the insignificant bullshit that wastes your time.
We understand that your world doesn’t revolve around us. Guess what? Ours doesn’t revolve around you either.
We have our own lives and understand the importance of maintaining that identity while in a relationship. Each person must have their own friends and hobbies. They have to be whole individuals before they can be great for each other. We’re not going to be pissed when you want to go have wings and beers with your buddies while watching the football game. Poker night? Dooooo it. Because guess what? We need a fucking break. We’re probably going to go hang out with our friends and drink/eat just as much as you. We’re going to act like fools and let loose with our friends.
We’re not going to bitch about you to our mothers.
Sure, sometimes you annoy us. We know we annoy you too. It’s life. But the last thing we’re going to do is go blabber on about how you left the toilet seat up (AGAIN) and we fell in resulting in a wet, probably disease-covered ass. I mean, we’re most likely going to lose half an asscheek from the infection and our ability to twerk will be ripped from us, but we will not, under any circumstance, bitch about the small shit to our mothers. You know why? Because it’s dumb. We’re not whiny bitches and we’d rather spend our time doing something productive. Oh, and we expect the same respect from you.
We’ll treat you as our equal.
You’re not our father, brother, maid, whipping boy or pool boy. Ok, maybe pool boy. That’s hot.
You’re our partner. If you’re fixing something, we’re offering help. If you forget your wallet at home when we’re at dinner, no sweat. We got dis. For every time you go out of your way to grab something at the store we forgot, we’re going to offer the same to you.
We have your back, just like you have ours.
We can hang with the guys.
We don’t overthink your jokes and we enjoy that you say what’s on your mind, but you don’t whine about it. We’re not going to overreact if you get a little sloppy – we’ll take care of business and make sure you get home safely. Then, we’ll bust your balls about it tomorrow.
We don’t put down other women.
At least we don’t seriously. Everyone has their moment of, “What. The. Fuck. Is Sally wearing?” But we quickly get ourselves in check and realize Sally may be going through something that made her think that cat-pawing-yarn covered dress was a good idea tonight. And you know what? Go, Sally! She’s being an individual and not giving a fuck what everyone thinks. Sally’s rad. I think maybe I’ll be friends with her. At least the convo with her about this dress will be entertaining.
Do we sometimes slip and think that if other chicks could get their shit together maybe they’d be more tolerable? Sure. We’re not perfect. But tolerance is an important skill in life and we’re always open to learning new things and flexing our muscles of empathy.
And no, we’re not feminazis.
Just because we can handle ourselves doesn’t mean we’ll chastise you for offering help. It’s sweet and we’re fans of chivalry. We appreciate your presence in our lives and don’t think we’re better than you.
It comes down to the fact that we’re not overly insecure.
We’re confident in who we are, we don’t need to be constantly validated and we’re not insanely jealous because we know we have a lot to offer. No, we’re not conceited. But have you been around insecure women? They’re a ticking time bomb and until they are happy with themselves, they’re not going to be secure in relationships. We have that figured out. We won’t cry if we catch you taking a glimpse at another woman. We don’t need you by our side at every moment of a social gathering because we know we can handle ourselves in conversation. Also, we don’t worry that you’re off cheating on us while we’re in said convo.
Sam Siman
Sam works in advertising/marketing by day and moonlights with startup consulting, dating profile overhauls, and event planning. She lives in Columbus with her two dogs and spends her free time writing, drinking coffee and local beers, getting zen with yoga, catching a good concert, and laughing with friends. She doesn't give a shit if you're offended by lewd language, so #dealwithit.
I believe everyone could use a little more of the information.
Dating a woman who is strong and has her act together is an experience ripe with lessons to be learned. Trust me, I know. If you are going to fall in love with someone like this, there are going to be some things you should know first.
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